My brother and I did not dress up and trick-or-treat when we were kids. My parents offered to buy any candy we wanted. There was no sense going to the neighbors to beg for it. My parents started and ran five different businesses. Begging for candy was not part of the "pull yourself up by the boot" education they were instilling. Certainly threatening a "trick" was unsavory and unkind. My grandfather, the first generation Halloween curmudgeon lectured us on the dangers of presenting a false face. He was convinced that donning a monster mask now would predict an unsavory future. He quoted scripture about honesty. If some unsuspecting goblin would ring his doorbell on Halloween, said goblin would be the recipient of the same lecture. For good measure my grandfather would throw in a warning about a life spent in an eternal hell so horrific that the scariest haunted house would be a welcome reprieve.
On the other hand, Beth and her friends had a trick or treating team. Two weeks before Halloween they would hold tryouts for their team. No slow kids were allowed. Costumes were selected based on speed and agility. The "team" kept meticulous notes from year to year detailing which houses delivered the best treats--the Johnson's gave out full size candy bars if you got there early enough. The old man at the corner who handed out miniature Bibles was to be avoided at all costs. They practiced routes so they could reach the maximum number of houses in the two-hour allotted trick or treat time.
I often say that for every dollar we put into college savings for our kids, we put an equal amount into a therapy account. There is only so much "otherness" that one person can endure. I figure since my kids are destined for a life on the couch detailing how their moms screwed them up, I will get my full money's worth.
A few years ago, when Peyton was three and just learning about Halloween, I told her that this was the Halloween of vegetables. I explained that each year there was an announcement on the radio that instructed people on what to distribute for Halloween. The day before Halloween I delivered cans of green beans to my neighbor Renee. On Halloween night we went to Renee's house first. Renee is an elementary school principal and is therefore schooled in the art of torturing kids. With all the logic a three-year-old could muster, Peyton tried to explain that it was Halloween and you are s'posed to give candy.
Okay, so maybe Halloween isn't so bad. Last year was the Halloween of meat. This year is socks and underwear.
Beth is obviously a bigger influence on my kids. It is Halloween morning and the energy around the house is palpable. I woke up to Peyton singing "I want candy!" at her top volume level. Bennett will be Captain Hook. We were able to find the costume at the Disney store several weeks ago. He has a plush velvet jacket with gold thread details plus a hat with a real feather plume. Yesterday he went to Beth's school for her Halloween festivities. He couldn't bring his sword so he just looked like a pimp. Peyton will be a doctor. I told her it would be hilarious to carry around a basket of stuffed pigs and a syringe to immunize them against Swine Flu. She said that was lame and that the basket of pigs would just slow her down.
Emerson will be a mouse. When Peyton was four, she was an elephant for Halloween. Beth decided that it would be funny to dress baby Bennett in a mouse costume. Beth went online and ordered some crazy expensive mouse costume. The kind that can't be returned. She missed the part about the costume being made of white eyelet lace. I'm not sure any amount of therapy can overcome that for a boy. We decided that we couldn't allow Bennett to be a gay mouse. So Emerson will be the mouse this year.
A few weeks ago I found Peyton and Bennett trying to teach Emerson to say "trick or treat." They explained that she is so cute that she could get a lot of candy. But, since she is too little to eat most of the candy, they could split her bag among themselves.
So tonight I will tag along as the kids trick or treat. I don't completely understand the appeal of Halloween. I do understand how much I enjoy seeing my kids have fun. Besides they will fall asleep exhausted and surely we will have found a house that gives out full size candy bars.
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